Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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