There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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