She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
