just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
