Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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