I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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