I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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