Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
