11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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