just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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