I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
