How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
