At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
