shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
