It was confusing and full of hummus
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Green mimosas i think yes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
