Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
