I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
