It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I did not marry a roomba.
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