You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
