im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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