I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
