he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
