Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
