So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
