yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
