Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
