She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
