i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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