I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
