I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
