True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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