Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
