its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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