hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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