Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
