nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
