she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to fling myself into the sun
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
