And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
