new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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