but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
