yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
