guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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