She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
