Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
