dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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