I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
