The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
