i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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