Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
