Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
