I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
